A London cab driver picked up a lady who was a notorious chatterbox. He did not want to engage in conversation, so he pretended to be deaf and dumb. He pointed to his mouth and ears to indicate that he could neither speak nor hear .After she alighted,he pointed to the meter so that she could see how much she owed. She paid him and walked off. Then she realized that he could not have been a deaf mute. How did she know?
答案:He must have heard intial instructions or he would not haveknown where to take her.
A man was driving in his sleek black race car when he saw a hare jumped to his car. He braked sharply. But the hare was hit and killed. The man pulled over and cried. A dazzling red race car drove by. The girl in the car stopped and said: don't worry. I can help you. She took out a can and sprayed over the limpy hare. Magically, the dead hare hopped up and ran away. Along its way it turned and waved to the girl and man. The man looked at the can. It reads: Hair spray. Restore life to dead hair, add permenant wave.
In the Warring States Period, a man in the State of Chu was offering a sacrifice to his ancestors. After the ceremony, the man gave a beaker of wine to his servants. The servants thought that there was not enough wine for all them, and decided to each draw a picture of a snake; the one who finished the picture first would get the wine. One of them drew very rapidly. Seeing that the others were still busy drawing, he added feet to the snake. At this moment another man finished, snatched the beaker and drank the wine, saying, 'A snake doesn't have feet. How can you add feet to a snake? '
(2) The Monkeys' Ration朝秦暮楚
There was once a man who raised monkeys at home. In time, he understood the monkeys quite well.
从前有团体,在家豢养了一批猴子。一朝一夕,他很理解猴子的感情。
The man was not rich and often had to cut down his household expenses to feed the monkeys. When times turned rough, he had to reduce the monkeys'feed as well.
养猴人并不富有,经常要节衣缩食去喂饱猴子。不过,当境况变得更坏时,他只好增加猴子的粮食。
The man was afraid that the monkeys would not remain tame. To test their response, he told the monkeys, "Fro, now on, I'll give each of you three chestnuts in the morning and four at night. Is that all right with you?"
When the monkeys learned that their ration was to be reduced, they flew into a rage. Seeing how mad the monkeys were, the man corrected himself at once.
猴子一听到养猴人要增加它们的粮食,都十分生气。
"All right," he told them, "I'll give you four chestnuts in the morning and three at night then."
於是,养猴人马上改口说:「那么,改为早上给四颗,早晨再给三颗。」
This satisfied the monkeys, and they all jumped for joy.
猴子就感到称心,欢天喜地起来。
(3) 鱼目混珠
The Man Who Faked His Music
King Xuan of Qi was fond of music. In particular, he enjoyed listening to a wind instrument called the "yu". He appreciated it most when the yu was played by a band of about three hundred musicians. 齐宣王喜欢听竽,尤其是三百人大乐队的吹奏。
One time there was a vacancy in the royal band. When Nanguo heard about it, he applied for the post. 有一次,宣王招聘乐师。南郭先生听到了这音讯,就前往应聘。
Nanguo was not a musician at all. He had applied for the post simply because he was poor and it paid well. 南郭先生其实不会吹竽。他应聘的缘由,是由于他家贫,兼且乐师的待遇又丰厚。
Nanaguo was lucky. Nobody knew he was faking. His luck did not last long, though, because King Xuan soon died and young Prince Min became king.
南郭先生相当侥幸,没有人觉察他在乐队中装模做样,冒充内行。可是好景不常,宣王不久逝世,闵王继位。
King Min also enjoyed listening to the yu. Unlike his father, he preferred listening to the musicians playing solo. As soons as Nanguo got wind of the news, he sneaked away as fast as he could. 闵王也爱听竽,不过,他跟他的父亲不同,他喜欢听乐师们逐个合奏。南郭先生晓得后,便马上溜走了。
(4) 郭氏之墟(the ruin of the capital of Guo Shi)
On a vacation trip, Duke Huan of the state of Qi came to the ruin of the capital of Guo Shi , which perished long ago.
Seeing the desolate and bleak prospects of broken tiles, collapsed walls, and clusters of weeds, he could not help asking the local people about the reason of the ruin of Guo Shi.
They replied,"Guo Shi was fond of doing good deeds, and averse to evildoing, which led to the perdition."
When the Duke could not understand the answer, people explained ," Though he liked doing good, he had never been able to do so; though he hated evildoing, never could he help not participating. That caused the ruin of his capital."
A mouse once took a bite out of a bull's tail as he lay dozing. The bull jumped up in a rage and, with his head low to the ground, chased the mouse right across the yard. The mouse was too quick for him, however, and slipped easily into a hole in the wall.
The bull charged the wall furiously again and again, but although he bruised his head and chipped his horns, the mouse stayed safely inside his hole. After a time the bull gave up and sank down to rest again.
As soon as the bull was asleep, the little mouse crept to the mouth of the hole, pattered across the yard, bit the bull again -- this time on the nose -- and rushed back to safety. As the bull roared helplessly the mouse squeaked:
"It's not always the big people who come off best. Sometimes the small ones win, you know."
A boy was playing in the fields when he was stung by a nettle . He ran home to
tell his mother what had happened.
"I only touched it lightly," he said, "and the nasty thing stung me."
"It stung you because you only touched it lightly," his mother told him." Next time you touch a nettle grasp it as tightly as you can. Then it won't sting you at all."
A man once bought a brilliantly-coloured parrot. Instead of locking it up in a cage or chaining it to a perch, he allowed it to fly free all over the house. The parrot was delighted at this and flapped from room to room, shrieking and screaming with happiness. At last he settled on the edge of a rich curtain.
"Who on earth are you ?" said a cross voice from below. "Stop that terrible noise at once."
The parrot saw a cat staring up at him from the carpet.
"I 'm a parrot. I 've just arrived and I 'm to make as much noise as I can," he said.
"Well, I 've lived here all my life," replied the cat ."I was born in this very house and I learned from my mother that it is best to keep quiet here."
"Keep quiet then, "said the parrot cheerfully. "I don't know what you do around here, but I know my job. My master bought me for my voice and I'm going to make sure he hears it."
A wild boar was sharpening his tusks against a tree one day when a fox came by.
"What are you doing that for?" asked the fox . "There are no hunters around. Everything looks very peaceful to me ."
"Quite true, "said the boar, "but when the hunter does come with his dogs I shall be too busy running away to have time for this . So let me sharpen my tusks while I can."
The swallows and sparrows are very pleased to find a place on the roof of the hall for their nests.
The mother birds are feeding their babies with pleasure, which assumes a scene of peace and harmony.
But they have never thought of the following scene: the chimney at the top of the kitchen might break, the fire might leap up to the roof and the burning purling might destroy their nests.
But those swallows and sparrows are unmindful of the coming disaster.
They go on with their superficial happiness brought by peace and calm.
燕雀处室
燕雀为拥有屋顶上面的一个地位而欣喜不已。
母鸟用叼来的食物喂养啁啾鸣叫的幼鸟,整个儿是一派欢乐自得的祥和现象。
它们完全没有思索到:炉灶上的烟囱有能够会炸裂,火苗将会窜上屋梁,烧着的椽 将会摧毁它们的巢穴。
不知大祸将要来临到本人头上的燕雀们正在安然自如地品尝这外表上的安定所带来的幸福。
(10)山(a great mountain)
Long ago a great mountain began to rumble and shake .
People came from far and near to see what would happen.
"A great river will be born." said one.
"Surely nothing less than a mighty dragon will come out." said another.
"A god himself will spring form these rocks." said a third.
Finally , after days of expectation a small crack appeared in the mountain. And out popped ---- a mouse.
Just because someone makes a lot of fuss, it doesn't mean he is important.
这是我摘自英语沙龙上的脑筋急转弯:缄默的出租车司机
A London cab driver picked up a lady who was a notorious chatterbox. He did not want to engage in conversation, so he pretended to be deaf and dumb. He pointed to his mouth and ears to indicate that he could neither speak nor hear .After she alighted,he pointed to the meter so that she could see how much she owed. She paid him and walked off. Then she realized that he could not have been a deaf mute. How did she know?
答案:He must have heard intial instructions or he would not haveknown where to take her.
一伦敦出租车司机为一位话多的女士效劳,但他不想和她说话,他就指着本人的嘴和耳朵证明他耳聋、哑巴,到中央他指着里程表,她就能看到应该付多少钱了,她付完就分开了,但是她认识到:他不是哑巴,她怎样晓得的呢?
他听到女士要抵达的目的地
这是我最爱的故事:
A man was driving in his sleek black race car when he saw a hare jumped to his car. He braked sharply. But the hare was hit and killed. The man pulled over and cried. A dazzling red race car drove by. The girl in the car stopped and said: don't worry. I can help you. She took out a can and sprayed over the limpy hare. Magically, the dead hare hopped up and ran away. Along its way it turned and waved to the girl and man. The man looked at the can. It reads: Hair spray. Restore life to dead hair, add permenant wave.
外面的幽默看出来了吗?hehe
(1) 弄巧成拙
Drawing a snake and Adding Feet
战国时代有个楚国人祭他的祖先。典礼完毕后,他拿出一壶酒赏给手下的几团体。大家磋商说:“我们都来画蛇,谁先画好谁就喝这壶酒。”其中有一团体先画好了。但他看到同伴还没有画完,就又给蛇添上了脚。这时,另一团体也画好了,夺过酒壶吧酒喝了,并且说:“蛇原本是没有脚的,你怎样能给它添上脚呢?”
In the Warring States Period, a man in the State of Chu was offering a sacrifice to his ancestors. After the ceremony, the man gave a beaker of wine to his servants. The servants thought that there was not enough wine for all them, and decided to each draw a picture of a snake; the one who finished the picture first would get the wine. One of them drew very rapidly. Seeing that the others were still busy drawing, he added feet to the snake. At this moment another man finished, snatched the beaker and drank the wine, saying, 'A snake doesn't have feet. How can you add feet to a snake? '
(2) The Monkeys' Ration朝秦暮楚
There was once a man who raised monkeys at home. In time, he understood the monkeys quite well.
从前有团体,在家豢养了一批猴子。一朝一夕,他很理解猴子的感情。
The man was not rich and often had to cut down his household expenses to feed the monkeys. When times turned rough, he had to reduce the monkeys'feed as well.
养猴人并不富有,经常要节衣缩食去喂饱猴子。不过,当境况变得更坏时,他只好增加猴子的粮食。
The man was afraid that the monkeys would not remain tame. To test their response, he told the monkeys, "Fro, now on, I'll give each of you three chestnuts in the morning and four at night. Is that all right with you?"
养猴人生怕猴子会因而而变得不听话,便用试探它们的口吻说:「从明天起,我每天早上给你们三颗栗子,早晨再给四颗,好吗?」
When the monkeys learned that their ration was to be reduced, they flew into a rage. Seeing how mad the monkeys were, the man corrected himself at once.
猴子一听到养猴人要增加它们的粮食,都十分生气。
"All right," he told them, "I'll give you four chestnuts in the morning and three at night then."
於是,养猴人马上改口说:「那么,改为早上给四颗,早晨再给三颗。」
This satisfied the monkeys, and they all jumped for joy.
猴子就感到称心,欢天喜地起来。
(3) 鱼目混珠
The Man Who Faked His Music
King Xuan of Qi was fond of music. In particular, he enjoyed listening to a wind instrument called the "yu". He appreciated it most when the yu was played by a band of about three hundred musicians. 齐宣王喜欢听竽,尤其是三百人大乐队的吹奏。
One time there was a vacancy in the royal band. When Nanguo heard about it, he applied for the post. 有一次,宣王招聘乐师。南郭先生听到了这音讯,就前往应聘。
Nanguo was not a musician at all. He had applied for the post simply because he was poor and it paid well. 南郭先生其实不会吹竽。他应聘的缘由,是由于他家贫,兼且乐师的待遇又丰厚。
Nanaguo was lucky. Nobody knew he was faking. His luck did not last long, though, because King Xuan soon died and young Prince Min became king.
南郭先生相当侥幸,没有人觉察他在乐队中装模做样,冒充内行。可是好景不常,宣王不久逝世,闵王继位。
King Min also enjoyed listening to the yu. Unlike his father, he preferred listening to the musicians playing solo. As soons as Nanguo got wind of the news, he sneaked away as fast as he could. 闵王也爱听竽,不过,他跟他的父亲不同,他喜欢听乐师们逐个合奏。南郭先生晓得后,便马上溜走了。
(4) 郭氏之墟(the ruin of the capital of Guo Shi)
On a vacation trip, Duke Huan of the state of Qi came to the ruin of the capital of Guo Shi , which perished long ago.
Seeing the desolate and bleak prospects of broken tiles, collapsed walls, and clusters of weeds, he could not help asking the local people about the reason of the ruin of Guo Shi.
They replied,"Guo Shi was fond of doing good deeds, and averse to evildoing, which led to the perdition."
When the Duke could not understand the answer, people explained ," Though he liked doing good, he had never been able to do so; though he hated evildoing, never could he help not participating. That caused the ruin of his capital."
齐桓公出游途中,离开曾经沦亡许久的郭氏都城的废墟。
看到瓦砾残垣、杂草丛生的萧条现象,忍不住问外地百姓郭氏沦亡的缘由。
百姓们答复说:"郭氏由于喜欢善行善事。讨厌罪恶丑行而招致沦亡。"
齐桓公不能了解这种答复,百姓们便解释说:"郭氏虽然喜欢善行善事,但历来都不能做到;虽然讨厌罪恶丑行,却总是忍不住参与其中。这就是他的都城变成废墟的缘由。"
(5)老鼠和公牛(a mouse and a bull)
A mouse once took a bite out of a bull's tail as he lay dozing. The bull jumped up in a rage and, with his head low to the ground, chased the mouse right across the yard. The mouse was too quick for him, however, and slipped easily into a hole in the wall.
The bull charged the wall furiously again and again, but although he bruised his head and chipped his horns, the mouse stayed safely inside his hole. After a time the bull gave up and sank down to rest again.
As soon as the bull was asleep, the little mouse crept to the mouth of the hole, pattered across the yard, bit the bull again -- this time on the nose -- and rushed back to safety. As the bull roared helplessly the mouse squeaked:
"It's not always the big people who come off best. Sometimes the small ones win, you know."
老鼠和公牛
有一次,公牛躺着打盹,一只老鼠咬了他的尾巴。公牛怒喜洋洋地跳起来,低着头追老鼠,不断追过院子。但是,老鼠跑得比他快多了,沉着地钻到墙洞里去了。
公牛一次又一次地猛撞墙壁,虽然头撞肿了,角撞裂了,老鼠却安然待在洞里。过了一会儿,公牛不撞了,倒下歇着。
公牛刚睡着,小老鼠就爬到洞口,嗒嗒地跑过院子,又咬了公牛一口 ?? 这回咬了鼻子 ?? 又跑回平安的中央去。当公牛毫无方法地呼啸时,老鼠吱吱叫道:
"小人物并不总占下风。有时大人物也会取胜。"
(6)男孩和荨麻(a boy and a nettle)
A boy was playing in the fields when he was stung by a nettle . He ran home to
tell his mother what had happened.
"I only touched it lightly," he said, "and the nasty thing stung me."
"It stung you because you only touched it lightly," his mother told him." Next time you touch a nettle grasp it as tightly as you can. Then it won't sting you at all."
Face danger boldly.
男孩和荨麻
有个男孩子在地里游玩,被荨麻刺痛了。他跑回家去,通知妈妈出了什么事。
"我不过悄悄地碰了它一下,"他说,"那厌恶的东西就把我刺痛了。"
"你只悄悄地碰了它一下,所以它才刺痛你,"妈妈对他说,"下一回你再碰到荨麻,就尽量紧紧地抓住它。那它就基本不会刺痛你了。"
要勇于面对风险。
(7) 鹦鹉和猫( a parrot and a cat)
A man once bought a brilliantly-coloured parrot. Instead of locking it up in a cage or chaining it to a perch, he allowed it to fly free all over the house. The parrot was delighted at this and flapped from room to room, shrieking and screaming with happiness. At last he settled on the edge of a rich curtain.
"Who on earth are you ?" said a cross voice from below. "Stop that terrible noise at once."
The parrot saw a cat staring up at him from the carpet.
"I 'm a parrot. I 've just arrived and I 'm to make as much noise as I can," he said.
"Well, I 've lived here all my life," replied the cat ."I was born in this very house and I learned from my mother that it is best to keep quiet here."
"Keep quiet then, "said the parrot cheerfully. "I don't know what you do around here, but I know my job. My master bought me for my voice and I'm going to make sure he hears it."
Different people are valued for different things.
鹦鹉和猫
从前,有人买了一只毛色艳丽的鹦鹉。他没有把鹦鹉关在笼子里,也没有用链条把他拴在栖木上,而让他在家里无拘无束地飞来飞去。鹦鹉对此十分快乐,扑动翅膀,从一间屋子飞到另一间屋子,愉快地尖声叫着,最初停在华美的帷幔的边上。
"你究竟是谁?"从上面传来怒喜洋洋的说话声,"马上住嘴,别收回那动听的声响。"
鹦鹉看见地毯上有一只猫低头看着他。
"我是鹦鹉。 我刚到,我要用力地吵吵。"他说。 "那你就一声不响吧,"鹦鹉愉快地说,"我不晓得你在这儿干什么,可我晓得我的活儿。主人为了我的声响才买我,我一定得让他听到。"
不同的人因有不同的特点而受注重。
(8) 野猪和狐狸( A wild boar and a fox)
A wild boar was sharpening his tusks against a tree one day when a fox came by.
"What are you doing that for?" asked the fox . "There are no hunters around. Everything looks very peaceful to me ."
"Quite true, "said the boar, "but when the hunter does come with his dogs I shall be too busy running away to have time for this . So let me sharpen my tusks while I can."
Be prepared .
野猪和狐狸
有一天,野猪在树上磨牙齿,狐狸走过去。
"你为什么干这个呀?"狐狸问,"左近又没有猎人,我觉得安然无恙。"
"不错,"野猪说,"但是,假如猎人真的带着猎狗来了,我只能逃走,就没时间干这个了。趁我如今可以磨,就让我磨磨牙齿吧。"
时辰预备着(有备无患)
(9) 燕雀处室
The swallows and sparrows are very pleased to find a place on the roof of the hall for their nests.
The mother birds are feeding their babies with pleasure, which assumes a scene of peace and harmony.
But they have never thought of the following scene: the chimney at the top of the kitchen might break, the fire might leap up to the roof and the burning purling might destroy their nests.
But those swallows and sparrows are unmindful of the coming disaster.
They go on with their superficial happiness brought by peace and calm.
燕雀处室
燕雀为拥有屋顶上面的一个地位而欣喜不已。
母鸟用叼来的食物喂养啁啾鸣叫的幼鸟,整个儿是一派欢乐自得的祥和现象。
它们完全没有思索到:炉灶上的烟囱有能够会炸裂,火苗将会窜上屋梁,烧着的椽 将会摧毁它们的巢穴。
不知大祸将要来临到本人头上的燕雀们正在安然自如地品尝这外表上的安定所带来的幸福。
(10)山(a great mountain)
Long ago a great mountain began to rumble and shake .
People came from far and near to see what would happen.
"A great river will be born." said one.
"Surely nothing less than a mighty dragon will come out." said another.
"A god himself will spring form these rocks." said a third.
Finally , after days of expectation a small crack appeared in the mountain. And out popped ---- a mouse.
Just because someone makes a lot of fuss, it doesn't mean he is important.
山
很久以前,一座大山隆隆作响,摇摆起来。远近各处的人都来看是怎样回事。
一团体说:"要呈现一条大河了。"
另一团体说:"准会呈现一条巨龙。"
第三团体说:"从这些岩石中会呈现一尊神来。"
等了几天之后,山坡上终于裂开一条小缝,却蹦出来一只耗子。
正由于某人大肆张扬,所以他没有什么了不起。
这个网站又更多,但是不太契合你的门槛(100字以内),参考看看。